"Am I not enough for you?"
- God
"It is better to be godly and have little than to be evil and rich."
- Psalm 37:16
There was a time (yesterday) when I wanted my life to be rich - not in the sense that I had buckets of cash in my bank account, a flash car, and nice house (or 2), but I wanted to be rich in my heart. It felt like I had desires so deep and rooted in my being that I could not possibly separate from them even if I wanted to. They would have to be surgically removed, and even once I had gone through all that pain I would then be living with a hole in my heart. And no one asks for a heart condition.
I thought that if I tried really hard to walk with God regardless of my built up longing then I could hold onto verses such as Psalm 37:4 "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires". I think this is one of the most dangerous verses in the bible - it was like walking with a thorn in my side. How wrong was my thinking - God does not say to us 'follow Me and when you wish upon a star...'. No. He says 'follow Me and when persecution, trial and pain follow, which they will, I will be with you also'.
The whole point of this life is for you to become greater and for me to become less. The point is for me to get absolutely nothing.
Yesterday I went shopping to buy a gift for a friend. She is living in such an exciting time of her life. She is living my dream. And as I was walking through the store I got excited...I can not wait for a time in my life where I'm walking through that store for me.
Later on that night I was driving to youth listening to worship music and praising God. For some reason I thought back to earlier in the day when I was walking through that store so excited. And then it hit. Then I realised.
"God, you
are enough for me."
Like, duh! Of course He is.
I am
so content if I never get the chance to walk through that store again. I know of Something far greater. He is the blood that runs through my veins. Let my colour bleed. Let it run from me.
"My cup overflows with your blessings."
- Psalm 23:5
"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, it's jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away."
- Song of songs 8:6-7
God does not call us to live a life with a 'nice' house, in a 'nice' neighbourhood, with flash cars, a beach-house, and a helicopter. So for my friend to say that it suits me...ouch! If you're going to put me in a box please do not let it be that one. I felt like she was calling me a Pharisee or a tax collector - sure, Jesus still loves them immensely, but I want to be called a disciple. I want to be called genuine, selfless, loving, approchable, authentic, and...peculiar. 
