counter-bumped hip

Don't ya just hate those.

I swear this happens to me at least once a day. Not necessarily my hip, but counter-bumped pinkie toe doens't have the same ring to it. Actually, thinking about it, why would my pinkie toe have hit the counter. Door frame-bumped pinkie toe. Just proves my point.

But seriously, probably once a day or every other. In fact, just this afternoon I was looking behind me at a child who was following me, and kinda bumper car-ed into the door frame I was walking through. I was subtle. The kid still laughed.

It kinda cracks me up too. Obviously after the pain eases because 'shut the front door' does it hurt - luckily the shock of the random agony seals my lips shut or else my imaginary curse jar would be over flowing. I don't know if it's cos I'm clumsy or cos that door frame, table corner, or wall has moved since I last saw it.

I'm counting on the second.

Luckily it's the sort of thing that's not surgical. Yeah, sure it hurts like crazy. But only for a minute max. Shake it off, and you're good as gold.

Life has been a little like that for me lately.

I have my fair share of counter-bumped hip moments, but nothing that my God needs to come in and swoop me out of. Not saying He can't or won't.

Just that He doesn't need to. And that makes both of us smile.

"Why can't you ever see
What's in front of you."
- The Quiet Kind


And in one little moment, it all implodes.
This isn't everything you are.
Breathe deeply in the silence; no sudden moves.
This isn't everything you are.
Just take the hand that's offered, and hold on tight.
This isn't everything you are.
There's joy not far from here, right? I know there is.
This isn't everything you are.



the future belongs to...

...the few of us who are still willing to get our hands dirty.

Yesterday, when you were young, everything you needed done was done for you.
Now you do it on your own. But you find you're all alone; what can you do?

I can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else.
But in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself.

And you and me walk on, walk on, walk on.
You can't go back now.
- Can't Go Back Now, The Weepies


modest or low view of one's own importance; having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience.
Knowing the depth of your own sin.
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me."
- 1 Corinthians 13:11


You, whose day it is, get out your rainbow colours and make it beautiful.
- Traditional Nootka Song


the fourth be

It's been my conviction that life equals beauty. Be yourself. Be here. Be present. But more importantly,

Be still.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
- Psalm 37:7

So I'm sitting in silence. Silent groaning. Silent laughing. Silent weeping. Real smiling.

An interviewer once asked Mother Teresa,
When you pray, what do you say to God?”
MT: I don’t say anything. I just listen.
“What does God say to you?”
MT: God doesn't say anything. He listens.

I am grateful, I am happy.

Hoping you are too.

This has been re-blogged from http://www.kellehampton.com/. She's amazing - check it out.

What does it mean to be thankful? If it were as easy as asking my child to scribble some words on a thank-you card, I'd stock up on stationery and tuck "grateful child" under my belt of parenting successes. Gratitude is abstract--a more difficult word to define to a child than a simple noun that accompanies a colorful picture on a flash card.

But it's important, perhaps one of the most valuable attributes you can teach your child because it has a symbiotic relationship with another emotion we all hope our children will experience...happiness.

I am happiest when I am most grateful--when I am aware of my surroundings and what exactly it is about this very moment that makes me feel content. Sending a thank-you card might encourage me to express gratitude to someone else, but really? Gratitude is a way of life rather than a lesson on a check-off list of attributes we hope our children will acquire. And the best way to teach it to your children is to live it.

If I asked Lainey to explain gratitude, she'd be stumped. But if I asked her to tell me what her favorite thing about today was, she'd pause and smile while she thought, and then she might begin by describing how cold the ocean was when she stepped past the foamy line that married sand with sea.

I'd listen while her memory unleashed, and I'd smile when it detoured to related stories of what we experienced today--how her friend made her laugh, how the watermelon at lunch tasted so sweet, how the shells we found today were prettier than usual--iridescent and fully intact.

And I think that's what gratitude really is--recognizing every bit of wonder in our surroundings, from the seagulls that swoop in the background at the beach to the extra sprinkles that are generously spooned on scoops of vanilla when we venture out for ice cream.

I used to get stressed out about teaching gratitude to my kids--lunging to whisper a loud, forced "Say THANK-YOU!" in Lainey's ear if it didn't quickly spill out of her naturally or wondering where I'd gone wrong if she cried when I said "no" to a toy. These things will always be issues we need to address because kids will be kids. However, I am realizing I worry less about these check-off-the-list responsibilities the more I address the deeper foundation of gratitude in our home--the ever present existence of the awareness of good.

One of my favorite memories of gratitude in my life is after Lainey was born. I don't think I've ever felt more lucky--more aware of every bit of good in my life. I was a mom. I had a baby. I wanted to run through a field of daisies, touch every petal, skip and leap and scream to the world "Life is Beautiful!" And being that fields of daisies are hard to come by in Naples, I'd alternately sit at night, burrowed next to Brett on the couch, with a newborn corralled between us, and we'd top each other with our statements of gratitude that would begin with the simple question, "You know what I love about right now?"

"I love her froggy legs," I'd say.
And Brett would one-up me. "I love when she wraps her fingers around my thumb. Look."
"Oh yeah? I love when she sighs real big when she sleeps," I'd follow.
"And I love when she opens her eyes and then makes that grumpy face, blinks, and closes them again."
"I like the way she smells like cookies."
"I like how shiny her hair is."
"I like that little dip above her lip."

And this would go on--too long--until we used up every beautiful observation we could make about our child and we were laughing because neither of us wanted to "lose" by not having anything else to say. That moment of recognition--of being so fully aware that we were blessed and happy--it was gratitude in its purest form. Everything seemed more vivacious, more purposeful, more pleasurable because we were so acutely aware of how happy we were.

I want these kind of moments to fill our lives. I want my kids to hear me gush about the world around me and consequently, I know I will teach them to be appreciative of the smallest things. Like blue sky painted with pink strokes in the morning. Plump, red strawberries in August. The soothing scent of fresh cotton that leaks from the dryer while towels are tumbling. The best assortment of shells that frame the shoreline.

And so a frequent question in our home, in our cars, at our dinner table, snuggled into bed at night is...

"You know what I love about right now?"

The description that follows is a thank-you card of sorts--a moment of pure gratitude. The more we practice this, the more creative Lainey gets. She searches for hidden happies like she's trying to stump me in a game of "I Spy."

"You know what I love about right now?" she repeats. And I watch her scan the room with a crooked smile, scouting out the less obvious. "I like that cloud out there that's shaped like a butterfly."

Oooohh. Good one.

"You know what I love about right now?" I continue. "I like the little barrette in your hair that pulls your bangs back and makes you look like a baby again--because I like to remember how tiny you were a long time ago."

She smiles her "thank you." I nod my "you're welcome."

Someday, my kids will perhaps understand the scope of our good fortune compared to a world where pain and suffering is a reality. I hope they will use their gratitude and recognition of our blessings to do something good--to give back, to make changes, to help. Someday soon, I will teach Lainey how to spell "thank you"--how to write it herself in a card that she'll send to grandmas and grandpas and friends when they send her gifts. Someday, I'll sit back and relax because "thank you" rolls off my girls' tongues so effortlessly in response to others' kindness.

But, for now, I will enthusiastically praise the world around me. I will sing, I will dance, I will make sure that my kids have a collection of adjectives with which to describe a blue sky they love, a sweet slice of pie they're enjoying, a hug they want to hold on to.

Sometimes "thank you" sounds like "This is delicious."
Or "that sky is breath-taking."

Or even "I love your smile."


well, my mama told me

Yesterday I caught up with a friend. We had lunch at a cafe and then walked along the beach. So far - nothing out of the ordinary. Until we came across this wharf:

I don't think that I'm such an off-the-cuff type person. I'm not so crazy and daring.
But yesterday; yesterday was one of the those days that happen once in a blue moon for me. I'm gunna try and make it the norm.

Wait for it, wait for it....

We jumped of this wharf. In our clothes.

Well not quite. Believe me, we really were going to, but it was low tide and the water was only up to our waist. So instead we swum far out towards those mountains. But still. In our clothes.

The whole time I couldn't help wondering why we don't do this more often. And I don't just mean going swimming despite the fact that its highly overcast, we have no towel, no bikini, and lots of people are watching us. But everything and anything. Grab the freakin bull by its horns.

Because its fun. Its liberating. And its God.

"My Mama told me there'll be days like this."
- Van Morrison


let me sing you gentle songs

Once when I was away from school I arrived back the next day to find that someone had changed my computer desktop background to some random red car.

I work at a primary school and I know you're not supposed to pick a favourite student. But I hard out have one. This kid wins flat out; no questions asked.

If I could take him home I really would.

Today he got himself worked up into hysterics - shouting, swearing, and crying like I've seen no other kid cry. The was no real reason for it, or at least none that we could gather. Despite what he said I don't think he was necessarily mad at anyone in particular. He was just mad. At life. That somehow he knows it isn't how its supposed to go for him. I think he was crying because life is unfair and we just didn't get it.

It broke my heart. 

Why have I had to so good when people everywhere seem to be worked up into hysterics because life isn't treating them how it should?

Why is it that the first thing that newborns do is cry? And we wait, we hold our breaths, until we hear the sound that means they are really alive.
Today was a sad day for me. I was reminded how awful this world can be. How opposite it is to how God intended it. It's just not right. Today I mourned.

As does He everyday.



Today I ran through the rain and jumped in deep waters.
As part of my life = beauty conviction.

" Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be."
- Grandma Moses


Rhubarb Lane.

I love people. And I don't mean that in "a kind word to a friend is a penny in the hand" kinda way- although that too. Except for the fact I tots misquoted and said that all wrong. So sratch that. Not 'although that too' because I don't even know what that is. I now just thought that I could've deleted this whole thing and started again and we would be none the wiser, but I'm gunna re-read this and I think I will appreciate my own humour. Good one, Kate.


I love people. I know it says in the bible "love your neighbour as yourself" and "love your enemies". But this is not what I mean. I mean, I do love people like that but thats not where I'm going with this. (Sorry - struggling with my words tonight. Please accept this apology. I'm choosing not to filter and its obviously treating me well.)

My point is, I just. love. people.

I love their bits and their uniqueness and their rants and their awkwardness and their facials and their comments they think no one hears and their quirkyness and their words. I just love people. People are friggen cool.

I love that God made us like that. So different. So unique and awkward and quirky.

I love that I can drive a person in a car and have a conversation with them about how much they enjoy Jane Eyre, and I feel like I'm talking to a prestine woman of another era. And I love that I can watch a person become a dancer as they pop their shoulders so beautifully I wanna cry like I did when the ugly duckling becomes a beautiful swan (when really he was a swan all along!). And I love seeing a persons eyes grow so big and come alive when they are talking about the different types of spray can lids - the most liget thing ever. And then I love that no one really knows what I'm going on and on about here because they are not me. I FRIGGEN LOVE THAT!

I think in a world where stalking was not frowned upon then that's what I'd be. I just watch people. (Wow, can't believe where this one's going. I kinda wanna start filtering now because I'd quite like to swap the word 'stalking' for something else entirely. But I'm going to stick to my guns. So just embrace it people - we're all about the quirky tonight. Please still be my friend.) But in all seriousness...I remember being in Thailand and I wanted to sit on the step next to the road and just take my time watching people. It was so interesting that I can't even explain it properly. I felt like I didn't have enough eyes to take in what everyone was doing, to follow everyones life, to see how a person was in the world. I had my camera and I tried and wanted so badly to capture it through my viewfinder but I was with a bigger group and was rushed and I didn't have the time to sit on the step next to the road. If I could go again I will do just that.

But that's how I kinda feel like tonight. That people are just so so interesting. And I feel so happy to just watch people be in this world. And I feel close to God in moments like this. Maybe the closest I've felt to Him in the past few years. No lies.

He is creative, and creation, and creator. And so it is no wonder that I feel like I'm right next to Him when I'm seeing His people as He sees them - different, amazing, incredible, unique and sometimes dorky.

So just go be a person. That's all you've got to do. Just be.

Well that, and also go do what you love.

Peace out. xo


Love this.

"Perhaps we should stop talking about being "faithful" to have a quiet time with God each day, as if we were doing something to earn a reward. It would be better to talk about the privilege of spending time with the God of the universe and the importance of our own sake of being consistent in that practice."
                                                                 - Jerry Bridges

heart truth.

What will you live to do?

What have I left for you?
What will we leave behind?
- Seeds, Brooke Fraser

He is jealous for me. Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That He loves us.
- How He Loves, David Crowder Band

We give our bodies to each other so blind.
We give our hearts over to him without a fight.
We give our hands to the rich and not the poor
Brother was it worth the wait we stored?

We give our voices to the loudest voice we're hearing.
We give our fears to the one who keeps us fearing.
We give our lonely hearts to anyone who'll stay.
But what do we give it all away?

But I believe in a time, where all every wrong will be right.
And we'll stand tall as a mountain stands, and I'll be with You again.

We give our bodies to each other so blind.
We give our hearts over to him without a fight.
We give our hands to the strong and not the weak.
But I believe someday we all will see.

Cos I believe in a time, where all every wrong will be right.
We'll stand tall as a mountain stands, and I'll be with You again.

I believe in a place, where the weight of gravity is erased.
And we'll stand tall as a mountain stands, and I'll be with You again.

We'll be together again.
- As a Mountain Stands, Luke Thompson

You will regin forevermore.
I love you Lord.
You will reign forevermore.
You are worthy Lord, so worthy Lord.
You will regin forevermore.
You are so deserving Lord, take my life O God.
You will reign forevermore.
Holy we exalt your name O God, we exalt you now God.
You will reign forevermore.
Take my life and make it Yours.
You will reign forevermore.
Then you sing out over us O Lord, you respond and I thank you Lord. You say,
We will reign forevermore.
You lift up our heads and sing,
We will reign forevermore.
So we sing,
We will reign forevermore.
- He Will Reign, Sleeping Giant



I like to know what is happening and how things are going to go, and I will plan in advance so that this is possible.
I like to sit with my back against the wall so I can see everything going on in front of me.
When I play a sport I automatically switch to defender - the last line of the team - this way I can clearly have a view of the whole game.
The frames in my room just have to be straight or who knows what will happen.
I love the number 3. In fact, do you know what's better than the number 3? The number 9. Bet you can't guess why. (In fact, after writing that it's not so much complusive as OCD. Possibly an over share?).
I have to have alot of self discipline for when I see people doing things different to the way I know is better.
I don't like to rely on other people too much, not trusting that they will do as good a job as I would.
I'm a horrible front seat passenger and would much rather be the one behind the wheel.
I absolutely one hundred percent have to have things clean and tidy.
I firmly believe in 'a place for everything and everything in its place'.

I know what you're thinking...she's part of that club.

Yep, I sure am.

And those were a few of our 101 rules. (Although I'm slowly getting better - shhhhh, don't tell the other club members, they might try and kick me out.) The most important one for me at the moment is rule #39 (see what I did there): the need to know what my future is going to be like.

Next year I have to move on to something new. Probably University. I used to feel so much pressure to know what job I wanted to be in; and at the same time was too scared to go with what I really wanted to do. My dreams felt just like that - dreams. I could never be an interior designer or a full-time photographer or be the modern day William Wilberforce or the primary teacher that you always remember or go to Croatia or own an art gallery or travel with my job or live in another country or work nice hours or be a full-time mum and a hell-of-a-wife.

And so I worry. I worry that I will end up settling for the stable and secure rather than the adventurous and unknown.

I have learnt a few things though. It doesn't matter which job you enter into. God is easy. He doesn't worry about whether our next pay check will be enough to keep the bank happy with our mortgage. He isn't afraid of us choosing one thing over the other when both would work out okay. He isn't on the fence like us, weighing up a trip to the moon over working at the observatory. He wouldn't be bothered if we become a politician, or a veternerian, or a hippy, or a pharmacist, or a bookshop keeper, or a farmer, or a judge, or a DJ, or a chimney sweeper. Heck, he doesn't care if we never get a job at all.

Because the choice isn't what matters. What does matter is that we do whatever we do with everything we have. If you're a make-up artist, a nanny, or a firefighter, be the best make-up artist, nanny, or firefighter there is. Don't be half-hearted with what you do, because everything is an opportunity. Everything is the same. 

Soak it up. Be here in this moment. I'm all for living in the now; in being fully present with my day and my moments. I want to be fully engaged in whatever I do. 

I'm gunna do whatever the heck I want to do.

"Now we should live when the pulse of life is strong. Life is a tedious thing...fragile, fleeting. Don't wait for tomorrow. Be here now! Be here now! Be here now!"


guess i have the weirds

                stranger I’ve known you for so long
                i found you lost with a compass in the fog
                stranger you know me too much
                illusionary-self had not be touched, until you

                stranger you’ve followed me so far
                until the roads converged, as did the stars
                stranger the moon looks blue tonight
                your photo framed, raw within my mind, but not tonight
                   - stranger, katie costello


twenty two.

girlfriends got too many things to say.

and yet i sit here and all i can think to write is . . .
how is that?

1. Bury or drown beneath a huge mass.
2. Defeat completely.

someday i'll get there. but until then; i'm drowning.



And Jonah stalked to his shaded seat
and waited for God to come around
to his way of thinking.

And God is still waiting for a host of Jonah's
in their comfortable homes to come around
to His way of loving.


you who drink this water will never thirst again

I am the stranger in the shadows
I am the sleeper at the wheel
Am I the choice & the anonymous voice
That says none of it's real

I've heard the footsteps of the hungry
I've heard the breathing of relief
I heard the scream of a mother in a dream
But that could have been me   

I walked out to the grieving ocean
I lay down by the thirsty sea
I found a man there dying without water
He looked just like me

I have come from the walls of worry
I fled the wounded streets of war
I walked a thousand miles in the wrong direction
But what was it for?

I am a chorus of the guilty
I am the water on the ground
I am collectively the face of the lost
Who want to be found
We drink to love and deception
We drink to charity and greed
We drink to numb the very thing we've become
when its water we need



"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew.
I saw exactly what was true.
That's why I hold.
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold. "
- After the Storm, Mumford & Sons
Summer. Autumn. Winter. Spring.

I see so clearly.

And you know the brill thing about seasons? They're set. Nothing can freeze winter into staying forever; and no drought will make a scorching summer last eternity. Hold true to that. Nothing will last forever. The cycle is inevitable. 

Get over your hill. Conquer your mountain. Stand ontop of that beast and get some perspective.

"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."


"Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
At my heart you see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be."
- Sigh No More, Mumford & Sons



"God knows that I've been naive
But I think it makes him proud of me.
Now it's so hard to separate
My disappointments from His name."
- Naive, Sleeping at Last

Give or take a few weeks, and these lyrics would have been life status. I could not believe how how much I wanted Him to touch me, even just with His robe (this hasn't actually changed). Like the bleeding woman in the bible, just a touch of His robe would instanty heal me. And as He continued to offer me a trust in Him through His distance, I could not help myself from feeling disappointment. But I have to remind myself that I am naive, and my jealous God knows far greater than I. It was, and maybe still is, naive of me to tell God this is how I need You to love me and if you don't come this way, then you obviously don't.

I feel like this has taken me a while to put into words, when really it is quite simple. He is proud of my yearning for Him; of my desire to need only Him. But now I need to step up and out of this and become obedient. I need to obey my fearful God despite my feelings of disappointment. I need to act upon any trust & faith I have left in me, to honour the Lord God - my God. I need to hold true to the fact that the Holy Spirit is in me even if I can't see or feel it working.

And I know this new place will be a place of war; but it's got to be a hell of a lot better than the place of death that I have come from.

"I am counting on the Lord;
yes, I am counting on Him.
I have put my Hope in his word.
I long for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
yes, more than sentries long for the dawn."
- Psalm 130:5-6

As I begin to unscale my eyes, you can believe me when I tell you that despite all this I am still longing, still waiting with great anticipation for the day when He decides to reveal to me His face.


This is our God

Whakarongo mai ki taku tangi
Listen to my cry

Mo to aroano.
For Your Presence.

Haere mai.


Be welcomed.

"As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them."
- Luke 7:38

I hear Him say:

"I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving
Hold on to me and
Never let me go."
- Far Away, Nickelback

"Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” "
- Luke 7: 50



I still want you. afterall.
Will you keep me? afterall.
Please don't leave me. afterall.
For better or worse. afterall.
Sickness and health. afterall.
Till death do us part. afterall.


Lovely, isn't it?
     - What?
The silence, isn't it lovely?



Becoming comfortable with grey.

"I like these cold, grey, winter days."
- Bill Watterson
I used to hate the word grey. In fact, still do. Put simply, grey is just a dirty white. It's a tainted colour. It's not what it's meant to be. 

After taking 6th form photography I vowed that it wouldn't be a word registered on my vocabulary. You see, in the darkroom, your goal and purpose is to get the best print possible. You want absolute blacks and absolute whites. You want it to be clear, not washed out, and definitely not grey. God forbid!
It was a word I heard far too much. Everytime the teacher was talking to me about my prints and the word 'grey' was uttered I knew that it meant more work - more time slaving in the darkroom. When 'grey' was used to describe my work, all I heard was that I was crap at something that means an awful lot to me.

Grey, to me, means disappointment. It means hard work. It means less than the best. It means tainted. It means that I'm not good enough.

But this week I have been challenged with this. Grey is confronting me yet again.

In your walk with God you are going to have highs and lows. You're naive if you think otherwise. Sometimes you will be in a season of closeness. Seasons when you hear Him all the time and have plenty of spiritual experiences to keep you feeling full. Likewise, there will be seasons of distance. Periods of time when you cannot see Him, hear Him, or feel his prescence with you at all.
Nine times out ten as we go through our day we are not going to physically recognise God with us. We are just going to be doing our job at work. We are just going to be hanging out the washing. We are just going to be catching up with friends. Fireworks are not going to constantly be marking our relationship with God. It's easy to go to a youth camp and get caught up in the hype and excitement. But my question for you is 'when you're 42 years old, what will it be that keeps you going for God?'

I was talking to a good friend of mine and she shared with me something that an older mentor of hers had shared with her - learn to become comfortable with grey.

Things are not always going to be cystal clear with God. Sometimes our prints are going to be tainted grey. Sometimes they will turn purple at the edges if they are not kept in the fixer for long enough. But we have to be alright with that. It will mean that when we do get the perfect print - absolute blacks and absolute whites - we can relish in thanks.

Learn to appreciate your moments with God. And in all those other times, be okay with grey.
"The photographers palette is a thousand shades of grey"
- H. E. Clarke

I am going to have to change my connotations of grey.



i hate the question "what's your favourite colour?". period. because honestly i hate the colour orange, but i love a wheaty, auburn colour that warms you to your bones. so my answer for people is white. white is fresh, and clean, & pure, and perfect & faultless, and holds so many possibilities.

tones are more what i'm all about yo'. paint me colour and it would amaze me more than any detailed portrait. literally. i would stare at tones and shades of the same "colour" for hours and be amazed. like dazzled. like could-not-speak-because-there-are-no-words for what this colour is saying to me.

colour is everything. colour has feelings and creates emotions. colour connects to your soul. colour speaks so many words that i can not. i could have a conversation through colour and i would never even need to utter a single word. how awesome is that. how unique and special and absolutely 'whole' colour is.

what is "favourite colour" anyhow? is it the colour that moves you the most at-that-moment? is it the colour that makes you feel the most happy? is it the colour that describes your life right now. maybe the question should be "if your life was a colour, it would be...?"

if my life was a colour, it would be some sort of aquamarine olive green. which only helps proves my point. who would know all the names for all of the shades of all of the tones of all the colours on the spectrum? anyway. aquamarnie olive green - think mold. think slime. think of the colour that is currently dominating the sides of your fish tank. my life is murky and messy at the moment. its not so pretty. i've allowed things to get away from me and so I've got this horrible colour growing. but believe me, it's oh so natural.

i don't like colourful things. i hate them actually. hate hate hate hate hate hate. hate. (this is my rule, rainbows are the exception). colourful things send mixed messages. its like an explosion of emotions. its unreadable and unclear and messy. i'm more of a monotone girl. i think that people take that for being boring. but really its being everything. its being exactly who i am, at that time. it's visual. it's me.

i really could go on for hours. then again i realise no one wants to hear me talk about colour for hours. so i'll save you. the end. open your eyes everyone.

p.s. check out some 'flat paintings' by the artist adrian schiess. he gets it.


no part

I was at work the other day when a brother and sister came up to the office. I was just asking another child how his school camp had been.

"What was the best part about camp?"

His full grin reply - "everything."

Did he not understand the question? "No, no, you have to pick one thing to be your favourite."

This is when the brother and sister stepped into the conversation. They both would have been younger than ten, but I noticed there was something about them. They were bright. But not in the typical I-go-to-the-library-and-do-all-my-homework-before-it's-due type bright. I can't quite put my finger on it. They just were.

"But everything's the same," they said.

It was in a 'why does he have to choose' type tone. These less than 10yr olds were putting me in my place. They informed me that everything is one-thing. So, no. He doesn't have to choose one single favourite thing about camp because camp, as a whole, as one-thing, was the best thing about camp. He understood the question perfectly.

Everything's the same. 

They continued on, telling me how everything is connected.

"See", the girl said, "that chair you're sitting on is connected to the floor, which is touching this wall, which I am touching."

"Yeah, I'm in China right now."

"I'm at the Grand Canyon."

What really made me laugh was when the girl told me she is, in actual fact, standing ontop of me.

Although there are obvious flaws in their philosophy I think they were onto something. There was some pearl of wisdom in what they were saying.

Everything's the same.

Everything is part of something bigger. It all add's up. The small things matter because they are part of the bigger picture. All those small moments that seem insignificant are really a part of the main attraction. There is no part but just the whole. Because everything's the same. You will find a connection to things if only you look for them.

"Fortunate are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing."
- Camille Pissarro



The earth is calling me back. Calling me back to it's roots.
I know it sounds very "new age", but the hippy within me loves it.  I can hear Her calling.
"Let us be silent; we may hear the whisphers of the woods"
Something stirs in me to know that what comes with every grain of sand, every cliff face, every ocean wave, every rolling hill is a story. I'm in awe. Just stop and think about it - every single grain of sand comes with it's own tale. It remembers every footprint that walked its surface. It carries legends of it's journey's with the wind.
"In every outthrust headland, in every curving beach, in every grain of sand there is the story of the earth."

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth."
- Genesis 1:1
To live. To see the world. To be awake.
I don't want to just exist here in this lifetime. I want to grab the bull by the horns. I want to get soaked in the rain jumping in puddles. I want to take road trips for no reason other than to marvel at the view. I want to stand at the top of a mountain and spread my arms out wide like a bird. I want to be like Jane and swing the vines with Tarzan. I want to feel it in my core. Feel connected to this place that God created and put me on.
"The earth is what we all have in common."
- Wendell Barry
We all have this unmindful, maybe even an unacquainted relationship to this place we live. Except, the earth is the one thing that we all have in common. But I've realised this big bravado isn't about how we should all hold hands and get along and stop war. No. It means that we're human. And by living on earth we have a natural habit - sin. We don't think twice about it because its natural - just like the seasons and the tide. Sin is our mother instinct. It is the one thing we all have in common. In a way it's kinda how it's meant to be.
And here, in this moment, I feel that I have within me all the dreams of the world. Not just my own dreams but the dreams of EVERYONE - beacuse in one way we are all the same.
I feel full and ready and my mind is alive.
 "Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."
 - Kahlil Gibran

"The poetry of earth is never over."
 - John Keats
"Let us be silent that we may hear the whisphers of the gods".
- Ralph Waldo Emerson



It's tough when God comes crashing in, to set your heart on fire
And it's tough to keep this love alive, when stripped of your desire.

But we fight and strive to live the life, that you had hoped to lead
And we're drinking in your honor, even though you'll never leave us.
                                                                                                                                     - Flash, Midnight Youth



"But you are gone.
 Not for good, but for now.
 But gone for now, feels a lot like gone for good."
 -Happiness, The Fray


This is it.

I'm standing on the edge of a cliff.
And any minute the wind is going to blow me over.
I'm waiting for the one who is going to save me.
To snatch me up. To feel His arms around me.

I can not believe He hasn't come. 


Rain Fall

"If I cannot hear "the sound of rain' long before the rain falls, and then go out to some hilltop of the Spirit, as near to God as I can and have faith to wait there with my face between my knees, though six times or sixty times I am told "there is nothing", till at last there arises a little cloud out of the sea, then I know nothing of Calvary love."
-Amy Carmichael, missionary 

"Beloved, by being faithful to me, you will gain possession of your soul."
- Luke 21:19

Be patient until you wings are grown.